| Patch of Glory |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|02:53 am] |
Goodness, Epic! You need to patch Gears of War pronto because the online play is totally screwed up and sloppy. Sometimes I'll be engaged in a crazy gunfight with some guy, and then I die before he does. What the heck is up with that? I know he should have died first, I feel it in my gut. As far as I can tell, there are two possible solutions: remove all the guns in the game (This would work well, I think), or adopt this new control scheme I've concocted for you:
I can't believe Epic hasn't implemented this already.
See, this way, if I feel some dude should turn to giblets, I hit 'B' and he dies. On the flip side, if I feel he got the best of me, I hit 'Y' and my guy is rightly fragged. I wouldn't use that button at all because I am so freaking good at Gears. I wish the game would recognize my skills instead of showing favoritism to other players. If the game glitches and I somehow die, I would jam the 'X' button and the game would revert what had happened so I could fix it to play out as it should have. This setup is flawless and with it in place I wouldn't have to remind everyone how full of bullcrap the game is when it makes me die. That is the only explanation for why I ever die: the game is way busted. Those other guys who complain are probably lacking in skill, but when I die, I'm never at fault.
Only problem I foresee is I might wear out my 'B' button. That's a risk I'm willing to take for the greater good of proper online gaming. Epic, GET TO IT. |
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| How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Sony |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|12:33 am] |
A lot of people criticize Sony's decision to delay PLAYSTATION 3 in Europe until March. To entertain such views is absolutely HEARTLESS because the delay was done in the name of .
Let me explain. The most romantic man in the video gaming industry is none other than Phil Harrison. He fancied getting some triple hot action this Valentine's Day and what better way to score big time than to delay the third coming of gaming Nirvana? This way he won't be busy playing the MotorStorm demo and instead will spend his time knee deep in breasts.
Check it out, I got a copy of the card Phil gave his honey:
His font selection is perfect.
Any Europeans griping about the delay are cold hearted buttwipes.
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| Coming Never |
[Feb. 7th, 2007|01:04 am] |
In this update I detail why the former PS3 controller would have rocked your face over. TWICE. I mean, it would have rocked your face twice, not that I'm not going to repeat myself.
Never forget.
This is a freaking manly controller. Look at it, it's like it's flexing. Sure, the SIXAXIS is perfect in every sense (especially since Sony had the smarts to omit pesky rumble), but this design screams masculinity. No -- not screams, man shouts.
If you threw it in a bit of rage or accidentally let go, it would conveniently come back to you, thanks to its form. This is in stark contrast to Nintendo's hollow gesture of convenience by equipping Wii remotes with straps that snap when the slightest amount of force is applied. What a RIP. That pun was super intended.
Valuable source of potassium. I don't know, my sister told me this one. The potassium is absorbed through the skin from the surface of the controller. Couldn't find mention of this anywhere, I wonder what her source is.
It's shiny and grey, a proper representation of next generation visuals. Gets me mega pumped to shoot dudes in the face. Unlike the Xbox 360 controller, which reminds me of cake. A cake with smooth vanilla frosting topped with Skittles, as if it's some sort of tribute to girly baked goods... PASS.
And there you have it. The greatest controller that will never see the light of day thanks to propaganda spread by those who feared Sony would dominate TOO much with this ingenious design. |
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| As Awesome as It Gets |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|10:08 am] |
Today might be the best day of your life. I am back!! Let's get this party STARTED... AGAIN.
My apologies webnet surfers, absence due to me getting all diseased up from camping outside of Target for PLAYSTATION 3. So I was hospitalized for a bit, as complications arose. Some cheap Chinese food is also to blame. Totally bogus, I know. I spent my time at the hospital informing old folks about PS3. I feel good knowing that I was able to tell those geriatrics that if they weren't going to die soon, PS3 would change their lives.
Anyway, I managed to snag a PLAYSTATION 3 because Sony is doing a bang up job of satiating demand! There are PS3s on shelves all over the place. It's almost like there isn't a demand for them.
I'm so glad Sony packed in a Blu-ray version of Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby with the launch units. Nothing shows off a new high definition format like a comedy film.
The higher the definition, the bigger the laughs.
Don't compare Wii and PS3 sale numbers. Wii is currently selling to casual gamers rather than committed gamers. Wii is just an impulse purchase. PS3 is a nice steak, Wii is steak flavored gum; you buy it to see if it's really as gross as you think it is. So, really, PS3 and Wii shouldn't be considered in the same category.
You may of heard something about how "Sony's game unit posted a quarterly loss of $442 million." This is, of course, fantastic news. Incredible losses is how you win. It's a tactic even employed by the US of A, which currently has a very large deficit and also happens to be the biggest winner ever and always forever.
If I don't update in exactly one week, then just wait longer. |
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| PLAYSTATION 3: Judgment Day |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|02:29 pm] |
"Less than three months before the scheduled tri-continent launch of Sony's PlayStation 3 console, SCEA president Kaz Hirai has stated that retail shortages in each territory are inevitable. Speaking to Gamespot, Hirai discussed the company's preparations for the November launch, admitting that production lines have yet to begin full operation."
-EuroGamer Good move on Sony, as not everyone deserves a PLAYSTATION 3 on launch day. In order to assist Sony in weeding out those who are unworthy, I have created a short survey all potential PLAYSTATION 3 buyers should take. This will help shops prioritize customers.
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| PSP on a Plane |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|10:55 pm] |
The word "PlayStation" is spoken by Samuel L. Jackson. Yes!!
I saw Snakes on a Plane, a film deeply rooted in reality, and I made some observations. Kool Man Kenan is seen playing with a PSP. Some dorky kid who probably dies (I'm not sure if he dies or not because I was too busy sucking face with my mega-hot girlfriend) lets everybody in on his lameness by playing with a DS. This confirms that awesome dudes think PSP rules and children like DS and drool... s.
Some other things I learned from this film:
- British people are jerks.
- Rappers are obsessed with hygiene.
- Body guards are fat.
- Cher from Clueless changed her name to Mercedes.
- Stewardesses are hot stuff.
- If it's your last day on the job, prepare for a crapstorm.
- Pilots are sexist and never pass up an opportunity to demean woman.
- I should become a pilot.
I took away a lot from Snakes on a Plane and the PSP gets plenty of screen time, so I can't help but recommend you go see it. |
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| The Misguided Redemption |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|11:57 pm] |
Not delaying Xbox 360 in order to include HD DVD was a terrible mistake. Next-generation games will require 30 to 40 gigabytes and won't fit on a standard dual-layer DVD (which has a capacity of about 8.5 GB). This is why Sony says next-gen doesn't begin until PLAYSTATION 3 is released -- Xbox 360 games are technically last-gen because they are on DVD. Multiple disc games totally put people off and never sell well, so that's not a plausible solution either. Titles like Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy VII and Gran Turismo 2 were able to sell despite their multi-disc handicap merely because the platform they appeared on happened to be a Sony one.
And now, NOW, Microsoft thinks releasing this HD DVD drive will redeem themselves. Look, two wrongs usually make a right, but Microsoft fouled up big time twice, and two SUPER wrongs don't make a right. Maybe a paltry right, but not a full-blown right. No way, man.
This will only be a success if Microsoft publishes games that require the add-on.
I will admit, however, I wish all my electronic devices had bits dangling off them. It's good feng shui, I hear. |
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| Girl's Gone Wild |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|11:52 pm] |
Time to start a traitor listing.
"So ultimately, I can't justify it. $600 is a lot of money, especially when I can get what--for me at least--will be a very similar experience for $400. I would like to own a PS3, and I hope that the price drops soon so I can consider it. But until then, this Official PlayStation Magazine editor will have to join the dark side."
-Dana Jongewaard What the fartin' crap, man. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, woman always do irrational things. Someone get this girlie a DS and back into the kitchen. She probably has cash up the wazoo and her blog post is just a ploy to get a free PS3 from Sony. But Sony will see right through her guise, that she is being completely unrealistic.
But if a Sony rep wants to send a PS3 my way that would be swell. |
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| The Handheld of Fate |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|04:25 pm] |
"There's no doubt that EA has historically bet more on PSP. I think we were excited by the technology, but the consumers have proven that actually what they want is fun. We must never forget that what we need to focus on is fun and so EA is putting more effort behind DS games – and creative ones that really take advantage of the hardware.”
-David Gardner, Monocle Fan, EA executive VP and COO of worldwide studios Sounds like someones Fun Quantifier is BROKEN. Sony has always set FUN at number ONE. Sure, they count down to number one, but it's still there.
Video games must be hidden behind more legitimate electronic devices because they are not worthwhile. Added features are necessary as video games are inherently uncool and nobody cares about fun. With all this in mind, PSP totally delivers. Just as the PS3 will.
A disgusting display of having fun.
The fun agenda of Nintendo is subverting the video game industry and now EA supports their half-baked ideas. EA has provided a wealth of creative titles throughout the years so it's disheartening to see them descend into MADNESS. Oh well, nuts to those traitors. |
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| Kutaragi Forever |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|03:13 pm] |
You know what I like? When entries start off with rhetorical questions. I am also a fond of the greatest superhero on the face of the planet (and probably the universe's face), Ken Kutaragi. As a salute to the legend, I have made a piece of fan art.
If a small(ish) cuboid electrical appliance needs lifted in front of a grin, he'll be there!!
I took a cue from Sony and copied from other pictures.
Here is a snippet of a conversation I had:
Personification of Awesome: Hey dude, check it out!!
Loser McFartface: WTF
Personification of Awesome: I think you mean FTW.
Loser McFartface: You have problems.
Personification of Awesome: I know! Halloween is coming up and I still don't have a complete Kutaragi costume.
Loser McFartface: WTF
Personification of Awesome: FTW! |
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| The Fellowship of the True Gamers |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|05:38 pm] |
This should be seen as Ryu representing neobarfism."Street Fighter II' Hyper Fighting has become the fastest-selling Xbox Live Arcade title to date, Capcom announced on Friday. The game achieved the feat over its first 24 hours on Xbox Live Arcade following release on August 2."
-EuroGamer If there ever was proof that people vehemently loathe old games, this is it. True gamers so fiercely detest games born of the Barf Age (Time before PlayStation 2), they are willing to come together and spend an inordinate amount of cash in order to exhaust the supplies of this one title, preventing further sales. Being virtual content, this is an extremely difficult task.
Even if the mission is totally impossible, those involved will surely persevere. To mark this event as anything else but a display of the esprit de corps of true gamers would be foolish. Their message of "SCREW OFF OLD GAMES" could not be made any more clear. Applause right here would be pretty good.
Once again, the neobarf movement fails to triumph. The failure of Wii will only further demonstrate the folly of neobarfism. 2D gameplay, old games, emphasis on gameplay -- these things have no place in modern gaming. |
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| The Treasure of the E3 |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|01:42 pm] |
Anybody who attacks the validity of E3 is part of the cabal.
E3 (Pronounced "three," the "e" is silent) has been given the chop. This is a huge blow to real gamin' dudes such as myself, the joys of E3 shall be sorely missed. Here are some reasons why you should be brooding your faces off:
The success story known as the Sony E3 press Conference 2006. It was so rad people couldn't stop quoting it after the show. Sony was given a respectful silence for the majority of their two hour presentation. Class act, all the way.
Booth babes. They never knew anything about the games they were promoting, but they sure were perfect targets for witty comments from game journalists. "Will you play with my joystick?" Comedy gold!! Also breasts.
Some other crap. Heaps of good things came out of E3, so I'm overwhelmed and don't know what else to list. Glory days are over, folks. Nothing gold can stay. Unless it's Sony. |
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| All Noisy on the Moron Front |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|10:54 am] |
Man.
Sorry about the hiatus. I was gone because my mom made me volunteer at some summer camp to get me out of the house. I kind of tried to strangle this one kid after he went off on an unfounded tirade against Sony, so they dismissed me. I won't be deleting those three wretched updates my sister did so everyone can see how big of a doofus she is.
ANYWAY, let's get down to business.
It's come to my attention that there are two popular opinions circulating about Sony and the PlayStation 3:
1. All Sony does is copy great ideas
2. Inclusion of Blu-ray was a crap idea These two statements are contradictory. Fitting the PlayStation 3 with Blu-ray is something Sony did, and, according to statement #1, is a great idea. Therefore, statement #2 represents an impossibility. Postponing PS3 in order to include Blu-ray was a master stroke. Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 may basically have the same capabilities, with the latter coming out a year later and costing more, BUT the former lacks Blu-ray, the key to success.
So before you Sony bashing lunkheads spout any new mantras, maybe you should make sure it's not negated by the garbage you've already spewed. Even better, just shut up. |
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| OBJeCTION!!!!! |
[Jul. 29th, 2006|12:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | N'sync | ] |
Hi everyone, Ann here ^o^ ^O^, updating for Stephen who is on summer camp (jeez pay attention guys ~_~ ). As the nintendo ds is the best thing 4 games :) at the moment :D, I've decided to do an impartial review of a nintendo ds game @_@ :( :). The game is called "Pheonix :) Wright".
review: Pheonix Wright
(score 10/10)
game created by NINTENDO
What can I say about this game ^_^;;;;?? Well, first of all what a brilliant innovation from nintendo. For the first time ever, it's a game which isn't all about graphics @_@. This time the game is largely text based, like a book. Whilst Sony ;_; :( always makes games which look super good, they don't always keep u excited with an emotional plot *_* o.O.
Basically you are this lawyer guy :F, and you must try to defend your guys in court :P :P :P. If you do it wrong, then they get electrocuted by the judge and it says "guilty!", it's pretty bad :((. Actually this game is really easy, as most of the time you just are pressing the button to read through the text and also looking at the cute/funny/BAKA ^_O;;; pictures at the top. The plot is soooooo good and soooooo realistic! This must be the best plot for a game ever, even better than final fantasy 8.
The 2 parts of the game are 1. walking around and investigating the scene of the crime to try and get evidence <_< >_>. This bit is a little boring as :( usaully you just have to talk to people and it isn't really clear what's going on. 2. (the motherlode) defending people in court against your friend Edgeworth >:O. Usually this is pretty easy too because it gives you really great hints like "do you have any proof that :/ he was shot?" and you show a gun >:O.
Also in this game, you can say at your DS different commands 'O'; and it will do them, so you can play with a truly \o/ "hands free" experience :) :) :D :( :). A small problem with this is that it totally doesn't recognise my voice!! @_~ Oh well, never mind.
Finally how can I write about Pheonix Wright without wrighting about Pheonix Wright, the main character of the game, silly ?_?. He's about 19 years old and totally smart and hunky and even drives his own car :P. Without him this game wouldn't be half as good. He's wayyyy funny, always making me laugh XD!!!
This game is faultlesS!!
OKAY, important news, Stephen will be back from summer camp and I'm pretty sure he won't let me update again :// (he sounded pretty cheesed off when mom called him!) so probably it's bye forever from me. Bye to all my fans!!! TANJOBI OMEDETOU!! Bye!! |
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| games 4 girls |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|09:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nickelback | ] |
Hi again!!
It's ann here because stephen is away on summer camp and I'm updating o_O!!!!! Today I am writing about girl games. I may be just an 11 year old girl ~_^, but I know a lot about what games I like and what games I don't like. The truth is that not all games are good 4 girls to play. Stephen is always playing games like "Ghost Recon: Advanced :( Warfighter" which to me is really boring :( :( -_-;;;; it's just army guys. I like to play games which are in tune with their feminine side *^o^*
A lot of retro games are girl friendly! Retro stuff like Super Princess Peach is great (it was released last year) and many other Nintendo games '_' ;). So here is a list of what I look for in games and what makes them acceptable for girls ^o^;;~~
1. Simple controls. Girls like me can't really handle all these PS2 controllers :(( there are too many buttons. Simpler games are better for us!!!!!!
2. No weapons >:(((~~ there is no need to solve problems with violence when love is enough ^o^o^!!!
3. Little cute pets!!! So KAWAII. <3
4. Female main characters. And I don't mean ones with giant boobs @_@! I really don't understand that o.O I guess it's a thing for guys (guys are disgusting).
5. Hunky men, like ZELDA!!! He's so cyuuuute!! <3 <3 <3
Zelda is the man :) :) :)
NINTENDO makes great games like this, which is why we always love nintendo games, like nintendogs. When I grow up, I want to get a job working at Nintendo as a games designer LOL. I don't know if they'll let me work there, though, as they are already sooo good at making games ;_; o_o O-O ;) :(((
Ok OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU!! (That's japanese for goodbye)
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| omg hi |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|09:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | justin timberlake | ] |
oh goodness ^O^ ^O^ Hi!!! It's Ann here!! :_O :D :)))))))) ^OOO^;;;~~
My JERK brother stephen went off to summer camp @)@ ~_^ and left me with a series of updates I was SUPPOSED to post but lol he didn't me how o.O~~~~~~ So now I figured it out by myself LOL but all his updates are stuck in the recycle bin :(((((( Never mind!!!!! LOL because until he gets back I'll update!! :) :( :( :) ;_; ^_^;;;
Ok this is more reasonable!!!11
I know Stephen has fans from all over the world, he's always muttering about Nintendo fans in northern europe! Big hugz go to all you guys in the north of europe!!! Plz post your myspace accounts in the comments!!! kthx!! This week is totally about like the best company in gaming: NINTENDO!!!!!!!!!! Here is a list of my favourite best consoles of all time: >_> <_> >_:(
1. Nintendo Gamecube
2. Nintendo DS (dual screenz)
3. Nintendo N64
4. Nintendo Gameboy :) Advance SP
5. Nintendo DS
6. Nintendo Super Nintendo
7. Nintendo XBOX
I think that is actually all the nintendo consoles o.o;;~~@ Sorry about that. Today I can't write much because I have to go to the mall with Brenda and Jenny to maybe play DS in the mall and perhaps buy some other games!!! My mom gives me $15 a week so I usually save for 2 weeks to buy another game. Sometimes we go to this little ^o^ shop called Games World where they even have japanese games!! They have this squiggle writing but I'm learning it!! It's so KAWAIIIIII ^O^O^O^O^O^O^O^!!!!!!!!!!
I even got a game where men dance, it's so BAKA!!!!
Bye from Ann!! I've gtg now so bye!!! I'll update tomorrow just like Stephen asked!!! :))))) :(( :)))) ^O^O^ ^o^ o.> ~_^;;; |
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| The Empire Holds Back |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|03:09 am] |
"According to a BusinessWeek Online report, some developers are actually steering resources away from the PS3 in favor of the more affordable Wii from Nintendo and even the Xbox 360."
-GameDaily And to that I say GOOD RIDDANCE. Only the elite get to tango with Sony's PlayStation 3. Any developer that abandons PlayStation 3 development was producing absolute schlock, anyway.
My guess is that Sony is actually telling companies to kill their projects because they suck a fart and this whole "steering resources" business is just double-speak to cover their sorry butts. Sony is so awesome they are willing to go along with this whole charade so these losers can save face.
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| Failure to Launch |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|11:49 pm] |
When the hinge breaks, the acrid smell of failure is released.
So much for Nintendo's reputation of building sturdy products. See, with Sony, systems are never built to last ON PURPOSE. This way, when your system breaks down, it's saving you from potential hiccups in the hardware that would cause grief down the road. Systems should be replaced frequently. A Sony product dying on you is like an alarm going off. That's convenience. But these Nintendo DS Lites cracking? That's failure. |
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| It's a Wonderful Lineup |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|11:48 pm] |
Sometimes I just stare at my PSP, appreciating its majestic beauty. The PSP game library is filled to the brim with quality, it's not always easy to settle on just ONE game to play. There's so much beauty in the PSP game selection I feel like I can't take it and that it's too much. Far too many enchanting games to choose from.
To fully enjoy the splendor, you have to take a break every once in a while. Collect all your meandering thoughts. Take a moment to notice and marvel at the work of art bestowed upon us. A wealth of stunning titles make up the PSP lineup and I am struck with admiration upon awakening every morning at the realization of this. Simply unmatchable.
What prodigious thing will you do next, Sony? You never cease to elicit awe. Whatever it may be, I know it'll be freaking sweet. |
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| Dawn of the Spread |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|11:50 pm] |
There is a popular myth that continues to perpetuate: don't spread yourself too thin. Being told to spread yourself as thin as possible is probably the best advice you could ever receive. Why focus your efforts on one thing when you can cover more ground? This applies to the video game industry as well.
A video game console that simply plays video games has no place in this industry. Sony is the only company that really understands this. A video game console should pack so many features that no one has any idea what to call it, even the company behind the system. Is the PlayStation 3 a computer? A Blu-ray player? A home entertainment system? Nobody knows, and this is key. It's like a game in itself for the consumer.
Which one looks more productive?
Some goofballs have criticized the PlayStation 3's features as being "superfluous" and "unnecessary" but the features are all SUPER and TOTALLY NECESSARY. By including so many neat capabilities into one machine, Sony has shown it isn't afraid of branching out. Obsession with new technology is clear and progressive thinking. |
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